And I am ALSO now raising two playful kittens.
Let me 'splain.
For years I was trying to find something, anything, to bring down the weight of my extremely obese cat, Metaphor, aka, Stinky. Diet pet food after diet pet food, New toys, which she would condescend to play with for three minute, then never again.
|Did she LIKE the collar? No. Did she tolerate it, like so much else? Yep.|
Finally it dawned on me, perhaps a playmate would encourage Stinky to move around. So I consulted experts and very carefully selected Motivation, aka, Mojo, and after the 2 week seclusion period, some extra time for him in the Cone of Shame (why can't males leave their danglies alone?!?), and some slow, supervised exposure, Stinky and Mojo seemed to be on the path to kitty friendship, if not yet at the playground.
|Seems to me like she's saying, "Hey, maybe he isn't so bad, after all."|
Next, Stinky got sick very suddenly, and I had to have her put down. Cue many tears, and then I was faced with a dilemma. Now I had a solo, five-month-old kitten who would be bored silly while I am at my day job all day. How can I be the best pet mommy to HIM?
Answer = Kitten #2. After crowdsourcing name ideas, I'm leaning toward Creativity, because she seems playful, but a little shy. Tivvy for short.
About Those Puppies...
So while all of this cat drama is going on, I've signed up for the wonderful world of online dating.
While yes, the pictures I used for my profiles are more flattering than not, they're not glamour shots, photos I've seen of authors and others, which don't look anything like them, or are 30 years old. Just better lit, mostly. Here's a selfie I took last night, with the new kitten.
In my profile, I'm honest about my struggles with weight, in the first paragraph.
I put my real age right out there: [gulp] 53 years old.
I state, among other things, that I am looking for SINGLE guys, in my area, aged between 40 and 60.
So I'm getting messages from some men who actually fit that description. Yay! Also from guys who aren't local, or guys who are much, much older than 60.
I'm getting messages from skeevy married men who just want to have a sleazy affair or one night stand, on the down low.
And I'm getting very flattering messages from, I'm calling them puppies. Here's a sampling (names changed to protect the guilty).
- Hey, how's it going? My name is Adam. I would probably be way too nervous to come up to you in person, but I just wanted to say that I think you're absolutely beautiful! Adam, age 25.
- Would you be interested in a boy toy for the night? Ben, age 23
- I guess you can say trying to be flirty, lol. I'm open to women outside range, and am talking to several 50+ women, what can I say, y'all are a bit of fun! To be honest though, I'd be more interested in hooking up than a relationship with someone north of 40. Casey, age 30
- And I get that I am young, but age is all in the head. Mentally I connect with women in their 40s and 50s. It's who I'm attracted to. So if you can get over the age thing... lets chat.
I am awfully good in bed so that's a huge plus right? :) Desi, age 34
- I'm not all that intimidating, honestly. I'm pretty friendly. I'm a XXX by trade. And I've dated older women before, so you wouldn't be an "experiment," as it were. Eduardo, age 25.
Seriously, I know my face doesn't scare horses or small children, and on occasion, I do feel very pretty (cue Natalie Wood's vocal stand-in). But is it so hard for a young guy to get laid that they're hitting on an overweight woman old enough to be their mother (or, in some cases, their grandmother)?
I haven't entirely ruled out playing with a puppy, but mostly, I feel too squeamish about it.
Especially the one who is the same height, age, and NAME as my son.
Poly Want A Partner?
On the other hand... not an insubstantial number of connections I've made have been men who state they are in open or polyamorous relationships. Messages about being home alone, while the wife is out with her boyfriend.
Polyamory is based on the theory that people can enjoy more than one loving, sexual relationship at the same time. (As opposed to "swinging," which is more a series of flings.)
I find I'm kind of intrigued. In my own history, yes, this has described me. I have enjoyed - and sometimes, felt guilty about - feeling deep love and sexual attraction to more than one man at a time. Sometimes I was open about it; sometimes I was not, but I always felt worse about the secret-keeping than the sex.
Have I found "my people?" I always felt homesick when I'd finish a Robert Heinlein book that described an extended, group marriage arrangement, from Stranger in a Strange Land to Friday to To Sail Beyond the Sunset.
Research is pointing more and more to the idea that monogamy isn't the only "natural" pairing for human beings, any more than heterosexuality is. Both may be the most popular, but they don't meet the needs of every individual. It turns out, I already knew a few poly people, and I like them, a lot. They don't have horns or hooves or anything unusual about them, except perhaps a greater appreciation for sensuality and openness about sex. (Kind like mine.)
So, I am joining a few poly and Sex-Positive Meet-Up groups and FaceBook Groups, and have checked out a library book on the subject that was recommended to me. I'm going very slow, feeling like Bambi's mother, cautiously sniffing the air and taking one tiny, cautious step at a time, before frolicking in the meadow. We all know that Bad Things happened when she forgot.
And that's not the kind of stuffed and mounted I'm looking for.
And while I am meeting and chatting with a variety of men, I am being careful, both with my person and with my heart.
Note: If you are going to be sexting, and if you are going to be sending selfie pictures of your favorite vibrator (I would never ever sext a picture that showed intimate body parts, not even a nipple), you just might want to either delete those pictures off your phone, or move them into another folder, before you let people scroll through your phone to look at your kitten pics. Oops!
Have you known people who were openly polyamorous?
Had unusual online dating experiences?